Saturday, December 21, 2013

there's not many days that you remember twenty years later when you are the age 27 but today is one of them.  my grandma was sick with leukemia and had gone into the hospital at the end of november and hadn't yet made her way out.  we had prayed for healing and had held onto hope but sometimes God's plan is different than our own.  i remember that I had been at my aunt's that day and as we drove down lightfoot lane that was covered in snow and humongous beautiful trees I knew we were right by my grandparents' house.  it was four days before christmas and i was giddy with excitement.  but as we pulled up i remember seeing my aunt's heart sink, there was a note on the door.  it read something like, 'get to the hospital, quick.'
you see, these were my beautiful grandma martinie's last moments on this earth.  that bright beaming smile that always filled her face wasn't there, she was so ready to go home to be with her Savior.

so... all of us martinies {despite no cell phones} got the message and got to the hospital.  i don't know who the nurses are but they were so kind... they let all of us martinies small and tall crowd into her icu room.  i don't remember what we were singing, whether it was hymns or christmas carols but i remember my pop's voice leading the chorus.  I remember thinking and wishing that the loud monitor tracking her heart would just quiet down.  the tears were abundant, that i remember well.  and then i remember my grandfather praying over her and and opening my eyes during the prayer {i know, i know, not allowed ;)} and seeing her blink those beautiful blue eyes one last time before i saw the heart monitor ceasing... the line that you never want to see.  her life this side of heaven was over and yet she was already present with her Savior and Lord Jesus.  Our hearts ached, we missed her the second she was gone.  Christmas wasn't the same, we were mourning our sweet Marian.  The one who cooked the meals and didn't stop from the moment her feet hit the floor.  I can still hear her now saying 'Grandma teenie' this or that.

I couldn't stop thinking about this all day... that moment that is so vividly etched in my mind.  and tears roll off my cheeks even now as i record it.  i wish i knew her longer and that i had experienced more of her.  but there's good news... because of Jesus... because of Christmas we get to see her again.  She won't be in pain, in fact, there won't be anymore tears... because we will be at the feet of Jesus.  And the amazing thing is that for twenty years now she's been having amazing days in heaven... better than I could ever imagine.  So thankful our hope isn't of this world but in Him who bore our shame and sin and died on the cross so we could have life & life abundantly.

so though i'm sad today and mourning my loss of my grandma... i know that i will see her again and take joy in that!
thank you jesus.

1 comment:

Ginger said...

The only way we got through Christmas that year was by holding God's hand each step of every day. Thanks for posting your recollection of this moment in time. She may not be with us any more but we have many happy memories to call on and she will always be in our hearts. I can't wait to see her in heaven.