3 yr old honesty.

there's this little voice beside me that virtually never stops talking but the twelve hours he sleeps at night. i couldn't wait to hear all he had to say 'once upon a time,' and because he wasn't an 'early' or 'advanced' talker i really anticipated it. But, for my firstborn once he started, he hasn't stopped. Sometimes (i'm nervous to write this..) i ask him to stop talking, stop asking questions. i guess in my view, at this season of life silence is golden (as they say at the movies).

and then in the back of my head i hear the older and i must say much wiser always say, 'those years go by so fast, enjoy them.' yes, in my haven't showered, snot covered shirt, and throbbing headache i say... yep, yep i'm trying.

anyways, one thing i love about my dear three year old is that he is honest. i could say that he gets this from his daddy but he's with me more of the day so maybe it's from me. none the less, i hear what he's thinking... sometimes that's a good thing... when it's 3 pm in the afternoon and i am still in my pj's and he looks at me deep into my eyes and says,

'momma, i think you're wonderful.'

{insert thought in the back of my mind: you really think i am?!, i'm still in my pajamas, have bad breath, and don't have any make-up on}

but there's so much justification in the fact that if he wasn't meaning it, then he wouldn't say it.

but then there are those negative things he says that are so honest that, well, i wish he would just always be obedient and never let those defiant thoughts come out. like when he says,

'mommy, i don't want to do that.'
'i don't want to obey.'
'i'm not doing that.'

and often my reply is, 'well carter, in life we have to do a lot of things we don't want to do, but we have to do them anyway, let's have a good attitude about it.' there's usually a sigh involved and typically he's ticked even more because i said that {interpreted of course by multiple pouts and more delays of doing the actual thing i'm asking...}

but, it came to my attention the other day when i had to do something that i REALLY didn't want to do... that...
i too pouted.
i stomped my foot (maybe this was inside, but still).
i vented.
i said, 'gosh, if only i didn't have to do this....my life would be so much better.'

i think it probably had to have happened a couple times in one day for me to actually realize i was acting the way that my three year old son does. so, i probably don't need to explain but when you're acting like you're a three year old and you realize it, it's kind of a kick in the rear.

like, grow up.

so now, i'm not sure what the right response is when he says it.
i've tried on for size...."i know it stinks to do what you don't want to but can you try to have a happy heart?"

or a few others...

but i think my actions were what was rubbing off on him. i can't expect from a three year old what a twenty-five year old is struggling with. and i may mask it pretty well but if my heart attitude is off... well, that's gonna come spewing out somewhere, somehow.

i want to be an authentic mom. one that my kids see as who i am at church the same as at home. and to be the same on the soccer field as i am when i'm at the dinner table... like not yelling 'go carter' (wink) but living for Christ in all areas... obviously not perfectly but authentically.

i have to learn to obey, right away, with a happy heart towards Christ... so i can exemplify that and so then my kids see what this is about first hand.

so i may just be eating a few happy hearts over here as encouragement, but i think this break-through in my own heart and mind is one that might just impact my life as a parent forever.
because it's not in our flesh to obey when it's hard.
that's only possible as a new creation in Christ.
he's my strength & my all,
kg:)