a life lesson.

"When you have to have something, it has you."

This sentence was spoken in the bible study i took this year. And when we shared our testimonies on spring break it was the main theme of something i learned right out of high school.

situation:
i was IN LOVE with a boy... and i wanted our relationship to work regardless if it was long distance and difficult and... well, you name it.

I was desperate to keep our relationship going. but that's not what was best for me .... because i had to have that relationship it had me.

it had me meant that it controlled my decisions and at that point in life you're making a lot of 'life time' decisions. truthfully having to have something other than JESUS CHRIST is 'simply put' stupid. i know that's not eloquently stated but it's true. as many of you know... the relationship i had to have was gone for a while which made me grow up in many ways. i was trusting too much in the excitement and future of that relationship which is lame because the truth of the matter is that people are always going to fail you. that doesn't mean that you isolate yourself completely but you shouldn't put all your eggs in the relationships with people basket because without fail.... you will be disappointed. MARK MY WORDS.

at that point in time it was mostly just hard. days were long, i felt lonely and the hard work of making new relationships weighed heavy on my heart and mind. I had one of those desperate longings for the Lord that come during the crisis' of life and that we attempt to carry on through normal life but the urgency that carries you through the crisis isn't there as much... which honestly kind of stinks. the love that I had for that boy never went away but it did dull so that I could go about my normal life and not see that as my number one priority.

the point that i learned was that when i had things in right perspective... God first, everything else after that... nothing could have me but Christ. what a freeing feeling. it was good for me and everyone around me. shockingly enough the relationship that needed to be let go came back... and now is my marriage relationship. And although that time apart was hard at times and stretching --- it molded me and taught me the lesson that nothing should ever get in the way of my relationship with the Lord. And that no other relationship can satisfy me to my core like my relationship with the Lord.

but, i see this lesson as one that comes up again and again in my life. i wish that wasn't true but it is. there's a longing inside of us to be filled by Christ and nothing else can satisfy it ... not stuff, not status, not a job, or title or {insert anything but CHRIST here} even though we try to fill ourselves with those other things again & again.... ugh.... sigh*

some things you have to learn the hard way. others can be learned on someone else's account. take my Word for this... don't waste your time having to have something because the control that it has on you will cost much more than you think... and guess what... it will never be worth it.

satisfaction occurs only in Christ.
lesson learned {or still in progress...},
kg