Friday, October 1, 2010

carter & the emotions of a new addition.

so we are just 46 days away (plus or hopefully minus a few)until we meet the newest addition to our family. to say we are excited is an understatement but to say that we're excited about where we're at right now is true too. it's a weird thing about life. most of us as humans can't wait for the next thing... we to become stagnant in where we are... but then once the new thing is coming (be what it may) we begin to fear, question, and wonder why we even wanted it in the first place.

If I had to be blatantly honest I go through those emotions... all three of them multiple times a day these days. Does that mean I'm no longer excited to meet the little guy... no. Does that mean I am going to be sleeping less and still have a 22 month old... yes... and that is a bit scary (and no, i'm not asking for sympathy i did it to myself). Does that mean I'm not sure what life will be like with two kids... yes. scary, a little.

But, i think the thing that Luke and I have begun 'mourning' a bit is the fact that it will never just be the 'three of us' again. He, carter, & I: we've become pals, we get each others jokes, we sing songs that don't make sense, we know that he'll take a nap and we'll get the time we need by ourselves, and we actually have somewhat of a social life that we enjoy. I don't cry about it and I have thought about what i would say in this because I don't want people to get the wrong idea. But, here we are. these feelings although weird will pass and i know that the first time that I hold this little boy that i will be so overcome with joy. i will think, 'how could i ever have questioned that this is exactly what our family needed?'

in the end i realize that God provided this blessing. yes, even if i desperately wanted it but it wasn't the right time i know that I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant or he would be due a few months later or ... the possibilities are endless. I know that every good and perfect gift is from above and that Carter is going to be the best big brother this lil' guy could ask for.

so yes, we are excited. we are a little nervous. and yes sometimes i question what i got myself into... but, yet here we are... in the reality God has for us and we trust Him.

the perfect dichotomy of anxiously and patiently waiting,

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