Sunday, December 12, 2010

new post.... it's been awhile.

hello again. i feel as though we should reacquaint ourselves; it's been awhile.

i'm trying my best to figure out the two kid thing... and let's face's about a minute by minute comedy. some moments i feel like things are going quite well only for a split second reminder that my son (like me) was born with a sin nature... and i commence. at first this was discouraging. we had a day where let's just say... we both needed some time in the 'time out chair.' wink. i felt like i was not going to make it through december and he, well... we just needed some space. but from that and from everyday since both children was born i find myself learning treasured lessons.

humility.... grace.... choosing to love.... thankfulness.... and looking to God who knows all of what goes on and in our heads and loves us even still... these things that seem so difficult in the moment are drawing us near to him.

so at our church we go through advent.... 4 weeks before christmas with 4 words... joy, love, hope, & peace.

i thought i would take a few minutes and share what God has been teaching me through each of these.

joy. i love both of my children but can i get an amen that naptime is truly a gift from God?! amen!:) no, but joy exudes from my son carter. he is a child that loves to laugh. like when people on tv are laughing he starts laughing or when he gets tickled... oh the laughter. he certainly comes to mind when i think of joy. i also think of joy when i was in the delivery room... like that moment of i am finally going to meet this child that i have 'supposedly' known for nine months... the joy of hearing that first cry and knowing that they are a miracle of God. but i think with both of these things you have to choose the joy.... i could go through my day without hearing carter's laughter or gone through reid's birthday reminiscing of the pain instead of the joy. i am reminded afresh that joy is a choice... i want to seize it.

love. hmm... well, true love is thinking of another's needs above my own. perfect love was/is only displayed through the picture of jesus christ. and the reality of love that i see on a day to day basis... although it's not perfect is true in every sense of the word. who wants to paint the picture of their marriage when every curtain is drawn and every door locked... and well, you're in an arguement.. not one person i can think of. but i think in that reality... how do you fight, or how do you greet one another at the end of long crazy days.. whether you are ministering to people, taking carts at walmart, or at home with two children under two. luke and i have learned not to compare our situations as to who can top or 'one up' the other but to just realize if we both work hard at what we're doing... it's as unto the Lord. not one uping is true love. and in this season when sleep is lacking, chaos seems to be lurking and the to do list is plentiful... love is also a choice, a choice that God made in order to give us a love gift and a choice i want to make to display to those all around.

peace. what i think in relation to this these days is... peace is the opposite of worrying... it's surrendering every worry to Christ. this is the sister that is so imperfect at this that i shouldn't even be typing about it. isaiah 26:3 & 4... he is my only perfect peace. replace worry with truth. that's the perfect peace scripture in my mind but it's also a choice to look at instead of worry.

hope. just before reid i went with the high school senior girls to give out burgers, bibles & blankets to the homeless... the visions of those people and their hopeless situation still ring in my mind. but it's good. because it reminds me of where my hope needs to be.... not in my closet, or the label on my car, or the neighborhood i live in, or in my wallet... but who do I know that is the only one who can deliver me hope in the darkest of times.... the days when none of the above can satisfy the deep longing in my heart..? and that leads me to the point that when i'm all alone... with everything stripped away, what am i hoping in... for it's also a choice.

i don't have a lot of blogging time these days, but i do have a lot of thoughts going through this crazy head of mine. including the fact that Christmas is here and it's full of all these things: love, joy, hope, and peace.... but it's our choice to see that and celebrate the savior who brought all four of them together on that one night.

what will you choose?

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